10 Systems to Facilitate Independence (& Assist the Growing Family)

It’s a beautiful mess indeed but we can still create order amidst the chaos.

As we prepare for the arrival of baby number four we find ourselves revisiting the systems that encourage independence within our keiki. These are also the daily rhythms and rituals that will help smooth the transition to becoming a family of six. Now whether you’re expecting as well or not, here are ten different expectations to set for each family member that could make your days feel lighter and brighter.

How to use this list:

While they’re ordered from morning to evening, the systems here are certainly still helpful individually. I don’t share all of their routines below, but rather I focus on the ones with the greatest impact on the family unit. Don’t feel like you need to begin with all ten. In fact, I recommend introducing one or two at a time. Like any habit each will take plenty of practice but stick with them, build upon them, and you’ll surely be pleased with the results. Our keiki are ages 2, 6, and 8–even the toddler contributes to each task as she is able to.

Be sure to model your expectations. Practice what you preach.

For example, make your own bed first thing every morning and show keiki how to do the same with theirs. At the beginning, help as needed but try to let the child take the lead–let them develop a sense of what their made bed looks like and what steps must be taken to get there. Gradually release the responsibility and focus on how good the outcome feels. In this case, when they’re settling down for the evening point out how nice it is to slip into a bed that’s ready for story time and lullabies.

1.Make your bed.

This is a wonderful and simple way to start the day. It reinforces a sense of order and organization within each family member. Better yet, it takes all of two minutes to complete. Again, each family member should have ownership over what this looks like to them i.e. are pillows flat or standing? Where do stuffed animals go?

2.Serve yourself breakfast.

For this to happen, children must be able to access everything that’s needed to fix breakfast. In our home, their dishes and utensils are stored within reach. Same with simple breakfast fixings such as cereal, granola, bread, nut butters, fruit, waffles, milk, butter, jam, and so on.

Of course we help them fix hot dishes such as eggs, oatmeal, and pancakes on occasion throughout the week–however, the general expectation is that they can regularly feed themselves breakfast on their own.

3.Check the chore list.

As the children have learned how to read independently, we’ve been able to expand a weekly chore chart for them. There are daily expectations such as putting the clean dishes away, washing the silverware, and taking care of the cat’s needs. Then there are also a variety of tasks specific to individual days of the week e.g. sweeping and wiping down the fridge.

4.Wash your own dishes from breakfast to lunch.

Since we’ve been homeschooling the keiki, we’ve had a full house most days of the week which means the dishes can pile up like crazy. To help combat this, we’ve shown our boys how the kitchen counters and sink can be kept clean if everyone just takes care of their own few dishes after each meal or snack.

5.Free play until homeschool begins.

Staying true to Montessori philosophy, we encourage independence in all areas of life including play. This is especially true in the mornings (as our children wake quite early), thus they know they can make art, build, read, etc. until homeschool work begins. As they play on their own, Daniel and I have a chance to start our own morning rituals (and occasionally sleep in a little).

6.Return materials and toys to their homes.

Practically from birth we model and teach the keiki that everything has its own home. In fact, there comes a time when they become better at putting this into action than us. What truly helps here is to make a big deal out of how awesome it is when you want to use or play with something and it’s exactly where you expect it to be. Imagine that!

7.Play outside!

You must have known that this would be on our list. Outdoor play and exploration are central to our lifestyle after all! Rain or shine, we expect everyone to move their bodies and breathe in the fresh air on the daily. Whether that means biking around the neighborhood or stomping in puddles, playing in the treehouse or kicking a ball around, we encourage all of it.

8.Join the 10-minute pick up party.

Prior to dinner, we put on some fun music and set the timer for exactly ten minutes. During this time we move about the house picking up out-of-place items and bringing them home. We start with common areas then branch out into our rooms, clearing the floors and surfaces with efficiency and style. Make cleaning fun again (or for the first time)!

9.Set the dinner table.

Unless they are helping prepare dinner, we expect the keiki to set the dinner table for everyone. This includes laying out the appropriate silverware and drinks too. This is one of Melibea’s favorite tasks by far, she takes such pride in contributing to the family meals.

10.Clear and wipe down the dinner table.

Once each child finishes eating they clear their own dishes and place them on the counter. Then they help wipe down the table and chairs, checking the ground for any food droppings. I certainly appreciate being able to go through their bedtime routines without the burden of dinner cleanup looming over me.

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Photographs by @delcynn

Maternity wear by Bao Bei Maternity

Keiki swimmers by Kortni Jeane